Dr. Lynn doesn't need to get scarier, but here this is. I'm linking this because - oh man - it's really unclear - were these people trying to make a 7 min horror film, or a science bite about evolution? It's like trying to watch the Twilight Zone, talking about evolution. I was linked this clip by Dr. Conticello's advanced biophysics course. Good grief is it ever freaky. I'm not a huge fan of freaky. Check it out for your self and see what you think: link.
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IntroI thought I'd give a short science update. It's been quite some time since I've done so. Overview of today's scienceI was back in the Scarborough lab today. I filtered some phosphonium ligand complex that I'd made earlier and Christian showed me how to deliver samples for mass spec analysis. I'd like to learn to do that myself. As it was, we just had to print a form, tape the samples to it, and put it on a desk to be picked up. FrustrationsBecause I've been out so long, I've not been able to do anything that I had planned to do in the lab. Words cannot express - repeat - cannot even begin to express - my extreme frustration at this fact. I'd wanted so badly to do all sorts of things. The snow, while fun, didn't help matters. I couldn't do anything this week either. Philosophical thoughts - why?It's a question I shouldn't ask, but I've been kind of grumpy, asking - well, I haven't really asked - but wondering why on earth the Lord allowed such evil with the hospital visits so that all my hopes to learn things in the Scarborough lab were dashed. Was that what He wanted? Was that the work of the enemy? What happened? I was so looking forward to these things and it was ruined. Then again, I ought to know better. As proved by the case of Job, what the Lord allows to be taken He is able to repay back double. I know that. But, I admit to being angry. I'm slowly surrendering this to Him. I just ... had such hopes ... which are now no more. I wanted to do well by Dr. Scarborough. I wanted to do my best and do LOTS of work. *sigh* The fact that I'm so frustrated shows that perhaps this was what I needed, so I could learn to surrender my work to Him. He gives me everything good and He is sovereign over everything I accomplish. He is always in control, and I think He knows what He's doing, even if I cannot understand it right now. Presentation next TuesdayMarika insists that I did do a lot. How she can say this, I do not know, but she is kind. I will do my best to present my data. The presentation is scheduled for next Tuesday. Pray for it. I'm not exactly sure how it'll turn out. At first, I wasn't sure what to say in it, but Marika gave me loads of ideas so that now I could probably talk for an hour if I prepared everything she said. Making plans for the Salaita labWords can also not express how eager I am to be back in the Salaita lab. I'm already making plans. They are so far mostly in my head. I'll put them to paper soon. I've got loads of RNA splicing/editing articles to read and was reading one today. I've got at least one new idea about my proposal. I'm so excited!! But, fortunately, I'm also disbelieving, and can only see the work in front of my face right now, which is the presentation. So, I'm not really anticipating so much that it's driving me nuts. I'm actually peaceful for a change. I plan on going back to my old desk in the Salaita lab. I like that desk. I'm looking forward to organizing my papers and creating my "real schedule" that I can follow in future, figuring in paper reading and such. Though I was really sad about it, there's an advantage to having only one class. It gives me more time to think and plan and do experiments, all of which are my favorite parts of grad school Speculation on other studentsStill don't know where Morgan is going. She'll decide at the last possible second. It's her way. She has to consider all the data in FULL. I suspect Dyer for her. I would love to see her in Salaita lab, but I don't think that can happen, because surely Khalid wouldn't take four students. Ann said SURE he would! I just looked at her very disbelievingly. I just don't think so. Gokul is going to Dyer for sure. I thought he would. He's really stressed about his presentation on Wednesday so everyone pray it goes well for him. I can understand. I'm not sure about anyone else except Wanyi favors Lynn lab quite a bit. Eating lunch with Salaita and Lynn lab peopleI happened to run into Kornelia, Yuan, Sam, Noel and Lisa going to the international lunch today and they said - hey! come with us! - so I did. It felt like one of those coincidences I should partake in. It was really comforting to be with them all. Victor joined us as well later. And I saw Weiwei. They had some good pork stuff that I ate lots of and rice. Our table even won a T-shirt because we answered the trivia question right - which countries celebrate the Lunar New Year, which happen to be ... China, Japan, Vietnam, South Korea and Mongolia. We were the only ones to get Mongolia. I should say - the other Salaita peoples said this - I did not have any clue. I met this guy named Karim who was nice. He's an economist pH.D. student in his 2nd year from Persia. He said he'd been to and lived in Germany some. Lisa found out that I was joining the Salaita lab, because Yuan was asking my questions about it. And, she wasn't mad! I was really relieved. I had not been looking forward to telling her, but now I feel a lot better. I told her I'd visit her a lot. I talked to Weiwei on the way back and asked him about his paper. He said it wasn't published in Nature because they said it wasn't novel enough. I guessed the journal when he asked me to guess - JACS. That's not a bad journal - he seemed to think it was - it could be I just don't know what good journals are - but I've read lots of cool articles in JACS. I got to listen to him explain about what the JACS reviewers said and what he fixed in his experiments, which was really interesting to me. Afterward, peaceful work in the Scarborough labAfter that pleasant lunch, I went to Scarborough lab and filtered my ligand. I felt so peaceful, the whole day really. It was so relaxing to be in lab again. Scarborough lab has felt like a sanctuary for me this entire time. I kind of felt like - it was a nice hidey hole, up on the 7th floor - away from everybody and where I can hide from people who make me nervous, like Dr. Lynn - and not just him - but just, people in general. Believe me, I've gotten so much less scared of Dr. Lynn. But he still makes me a little nervous. Sometimes, I just like to hide. The Scarborough lab is a nice hiding spot. It was a nice time of recovery. I felt like there was no pressure put on me here. Dr. Scarborough is always so nice and even-tempered. Last Tuesday's subgroup meetingSince it was snowing on Tuesday, there was no class, so I got to go to subgroup meeting, which was the same time as class. Dr. Scarborough welcomed me back in the meeting. Beforehand, when it was just me there, he asked how I was and seemed genuinely really worried. I'm not sure what John told him. John called him, I think to keep him apprised. But, I just said I'd missed science so much, and he seemed less worried then. I try to minimize this - I don't want people to be horrified - even though - really, it sounds pretty bad, all that stuff - and I try not to be horrified myself. I'm much less so. I feel as if the hospital stuff happened in a parallel universe and I somehow skipped a two week block of time by freezing myself in carbonite for a while, or something. I finally got to try Dr. Scarborough's famous tea!I forgot to mention this, but during subgroup meeting, I finally got to try Dr. Scarborough's famous tea, while I listened to everyone present their data. He said it was really kind of the Russian way of making tea. He has this large metal pot that boils water and is shaped almost like a trophy. It has a spicket to pour water out of it. On top it heats a small kettle that has super concentrated tea in it and one adds one part tea to about five to ten parts boiling water, to make the actual brew. It was a black English tea that I tried - quite good - though he didn't know specifically what kind. He also swears by ONLY loose leaf tea. He says it's better quality and I don't doubt it. Wishing I could collaborate with MarikaI wish so much that I could somehow manage to collaborate with Marika or keep working on something in the Scarborough lab, but I probably wish in vain. It's ok. The Lord will work out good plans. Marika is such a wonderful mentor and so comforting to me. She has a way of speaking that is so stress-releasing: really down-to-earth, no pressure, seeming to believe in the one she's speaking to, and it causes me to naturally relax, as I listen to her talk about science. Khalid is similar. Marika and I think the same way about foodShe was talking today about how she was hungry, but she didn't want to eat anything. She considered eating to be such a chore and unfun. I know exactly what she means. That's how I've ALWAYS felt about eating. But I told her, the more one eats, the more hungry one is for actual food - I've found this to be true. Ever since they made me eat regular meals in the hospital, I've been much hungrier, and I'm eating a stupid lot right now - way more than I used to. I'm consistently eating two turkey sandwiches every day for lunch, with snacks, or the equivalent of some other food, when I used to eat only one sandwich or a half sandwich. However, so far, I'm also not really gaining weight, which is hilarious. I have no idea what that means. I'm hoping to keep up this habit of eating so I still get hungry at lunch and actually am able to eat food. I've also been walking on the treadmill and it's made me feel a lot better too. I think that's everything - why did I write this?So, that's most stuff that's happened. Why did I write this? Because. Just because, it's relaxing for me to write, even if it's boring stuff, and I haven't said much about science lately. Nothing that profound has happened so far. When something cool does happen, you readers will be one of the first to know, I'm sure. I'm at Brian's house right now, vaguely listening to the RP. John's here. I'll probably leave at 9 pm, earlier than usual, so I can sleep. I was going to do work but ... maybe I'll just ... not. I was tired today since I didn't sleep much last night. If you read this, congratulations on wading through it all! I hope you all have a blessed evening! Appendix: Prayer request for peaceful rest and joyPray my joining the Salaita lab is an even larger blessing than I could expect or know. I've been longing to be there so much, and now it's almost here. Right now, I'm mostly just numb and can't feel anything. I am still having trouble meeting with the Lord much. I think I'm scared to talk to Him, maybe. I don't want any repeats of what happened recently. I'm really hoping, and praying, that He'll allow me a long period of sweet rest and recovery, the whole rest of this year, and I can just relax, learn to hear Him better, enjoy science and be full of joy. Pray that happens. I want it so much and need rest and cannot imagine it happening. Maybe some of you people can imagine it for me and pray it into being. I need help with that.
January 2, Thursday |
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Rolling Statuses: Technical journal blog. Here you may discover what the daily life of a grad student looks like: day-to-day snippets of life, clutter, rolling statuses and unimportant fluff.
Progress Updates: Will include entries with more meaningful science. Weekly lab report: My write-ups on what I did each week (I posted these publicly during my rotation but not as much now. That may change.) Science StatusHere is a link to collected writing, poster and presentation tips.
As of February 8, 2014 I have officially joined the Salaita lab!! Very exciting. Stay tuned for updates. "Micro Min" category equates to grad school journaling; most of these have moved to my status updates blog under Home tab. See "progress updates" on this blog for more important news.
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